Monday, June 5, 2017

What do I do now?

Well, its been a while since I wrote anything of any interest, and, to be honest, its been a funny old year...... I can't wait for it to end. I keep thinking that if I can get through June, things will get better.

It all started badly at the end of the year, when I learnt that my much loved Aunt, had Pancreatic cancer. As I spent a lot of my summer holidays with her and Uncle and visited once I got older, I really wanted to be with her. So, the husband and I made the trip back to the UK to see her.

It is painful, as I am sure many of you know, to see someone who had been so vibrant and always doing something, be too tired to do much. Just getting up everyday was an effort for her, and she put on such a brave face when she had visitors, I know they didn't see how exhausted she was when they left.

The hardest thing I had to do was say goodbye. It was so painful and I didn't want to leave. I cried all the way back to Heathrow as we were dropping off the hire car, and I was driving.

She passed away on her 91st birthday in April, and I have cried buckets since then. I miss her so much but think I hear her every so often, and have planted roses in my garden in her honour, she had a lovely garden and loved her roses. But then, thats the next thing as I have had plenty of time to garden.

We got back home in the early days of April, and I was summoned to a Board meeting of the Quilt Festival. Things had not been going too well, and we certainly didn't have enough entries to make the show viable this year, so I said there was no show, and not one I would put my name to, and, before everyone gets upset, it was not the QUALITY of the work which was outstanding, it was the QUANTITY. So, we decided to suspend the Festival for this year and work towards next year.

Well, that decision led to me and the Grand Poohbah resigning our positions with the Festival. Why? I'm not going into it.

So, you will say, that leaves you more time to do what you want to do, so whats your problem? Well, the thing is, it was great to start with, but I've now reached a point where I don't know what to do. I feel utterly lost and bereft, with nothing to work towards, although there is a lot coming up, I can't clear this fog I'm in. And, to cap it all, my lovely long haired ginger and white cat, Leo, has gone missing. So what, its only a cat. Well, try telling that to Patch, who is bewildered and very lost without his best friend, and every time I take Patch out, he's looking for Leo. So more tears have been shed.

I do hope I can find a way through all this, but Im just feeling so lost and empty, I don't know what to do. If any one has any suggestions as to how to deal with the loss of a cat who just went out and never came home, please do let me know, and how to get through the loss of a job I loved with the Festival, as it feels like a bereavement I would be grateful.

Please leave a comment if you wish.